Mommage

Discrimination or Discipline?

If I ever had to be told to keep my kids
quiet in a restaurant, I'd be mortified. 
Not because they were being discriminated against as Heather claimed in her letter to Chili's on Planetfeedback, but because I would be embarrassed that someone had to tell me that my children were being disruptive instead of realizing it myself.

There are definitely two types of parents.  I'm not sure how their attitudes about behavior and discipline are established, but I do know it's not difficult to distinguish one style from the other when you're seated near them in a restaurant.   

Here's the difference.

Zip Up Your Jacket, Mom

Men can see your BRA.  Yep.  That's what the kiddo hissed at me while we were at breakfast one morning in Philadelphia.  I was amused (mostly because it wasn't my bra ~ I had on a shirt with 2 layers and the lower layer was peaking out).

I guess it happens when you're a single mom.  My friend Tracy says the same thing too....at some point your son becomes your father.  Good thing I haven't started dating again.  I can't imagine what it would be like to hear my son admonish my date to make sure he has me back by 11. 

It's amazing how fast they grow up.

The Darker Side of Parenting

On Tuesday March 24, 2008, Joshua Mauldin was found guilty of felony injury to a child after putting his two-month-old daughter in a microwave for 10-20 seconds. Thankfully, little Ana, now one years old, survived. Sadly, a few children who have suffered the same fate have not.

$204,060.00

That is the amount it will take to raise the baby born in 2007.  According to The Department Of Agriculture, that is just for the very basic of needs.  That number does not include entertainment or college.  Wow!  That is a sobering number.  The biggest expense being housing, rounding out the top three are child care and transportation. 

The extras start almost as soon as they are born.  Mommy and me, little gym, tumble time.  When they are a little older we have swimming lessons, little league, chess club, etc.  Then they hit the teenage years.  These are probably the most expensive years.  Class pictures, class rings, designer clothes, car insurance, prom dresses or tuxes, home coming, etc.

When you really stop to think about it, our children are our single most important and ultimately expensive investment.  We hope to do our job right and send them off to college (at an additional cost), and hope that maybe someday they can return the favor!  :)

--Contributed by Renee mother of two ($408,120.00)

It's the End of the World...of Warcraft

I recently came across an unsettling little soundbite on YouTube regarding a topic which is near and dear to my heart - World of Warcraft.  This recording (with helpful "translations" on screen) purports to be of a child being told to log off and go to bed, right as he begins a raid with a group of other players.  The total meltdown of not just him but his parents as well is at times a bit humorous in a dark way, but mainly it's chilling.  Clearly there is a serious problem at work here, but what is its source?  Is the game the culprit here, or is there a larger issue in this family and in other families who encounter these kinds of problems?

Parenting

Let me share some observations of other peoples parenting (and this is just since Friday).  It is becoming more and more clear to me that there are some parents out there that just cannot or will not parent. 

On Friday, hubby and I took our kids to Chick~Fil~A for lunch.  We like to go there for a number of reasons, but probably the main one is that the play area is usually very clean.  They have big signs posted "Absolutely No Food Or Drink In The Play Area", I don't know about you but that is pretty understandable to me.  So we sit there at OUR TABLE and see a mother bring not only her lunch but also her children's lunch into the play area (there are no tables only three small benches).  She proceeds to hand out the food and then spills two of the drinks.  The manager saw the commotion and went in there and told her that she could not eat her food in there and pointed to the sign on the door. The mother proceeded to have MAJOR attitude and basically told the manager to mind her own business.  The manager told her to leave the building and the grounds immediately.  Just a few minutes later, another mother comes in, with her probably 18 month old, and lets her take her chicken into the playroom with her.  Needless to say this child was making a major mess, (the manager had just finished cleaning up the other mess), and she told mom that the child was making the mess.  Mom goes in and just follows her daughter around picking up her crumbs but refused to take the food away from her or remove her from the play area all together.  When we left the mom and the manager were having a heated discussion.

Yesterday we took the kids to a place called Kidsnmotion which has big inflatable slides and moon bounces and the sort.  The kids were having fun, but then we ran into him.  I guess there is one in every group of kids, the "bully".  He was ripping a ball out of kids hands, not letting anyone play on a certain piece of equipment, flipping backwards down the slide and nearly coming into hard contact with those around him because he wasn't paying attention.  We look around......who is watching this kid?  No one.  Other parents including me had to watch him and make sure that he did not hurt himself or anyone else.  He was spoken to a few times by various parents, and we were waiting for someone (a parent) to come out of the wings and say something to the people talking to him....nope.  Outside at the easter egg hunt this same child was throwing rocks and had been for sometime when an attendant said something to him, all of the sudden a parent came out of the woodwork and said that the bully her kid wasn't doing anything wrong, and if he was it was HER job to take care of it.  Bingo!  So when are you going to start doing that job Mom?  Sheesh!!!!

We have to wake up and start parenting our children!  If we do not follow rules or if we disregard them as not applying to us, how can we possibly expect our children to understand that the rules are there for everyone and we are all expected to abide by them even if we do not necessarily agree?  If not they will grow up disregarding rules and we may be visiting them every other Saturday at the prison.

We will not even talk about the current Chili's letter on PFB, because that will make this entry way too long, so Mommage will save that for another day, but it is another perfect example of what I am talking about.  I know they say it takes a village to raise a child, but I don't think this is what they meant.

--Contributed by Renee *shaking my head wondering what the heck is going on*

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

It's official.  My kids no longer want to color Easter eggs, and they don't want Easter baskets anymore either.  Instead of feeling a sense of relief, I must admit that I'm sad and disappointed.  These traditions go back a long way in my family, and the idea of abandoning them is very upsetting.  After giving it a lot of thought, I finally figured out what is causing this current dry spell of enthusiasm. 

 

At every point in my life there were children in the family,
and Easter traditions were honored each and every year with activities such as egg coloring, egg hunts and baskets.  At the present time, there are no children to motivate the holiday festivities, and the grown ones just are not as interested as they used to be.  So I guess you can say I'm in limbo right now, patiently awaiting the next generation.

 

In the meantime, I hope everyone has a joyous weekend!

~Contributed by Venice

My Mom the Zen Master

I just spent about seven hours making a three hour drive.  Most of this trip took place stuck behind an accident involving two cars who had piled up into one another.  Luckily, no one seemed to be badly hurt.  Unluckily, no one seemed willing to un-block the one lane highway.  So I sat, and fumed, and thought about nothing in particular.  I called my husband to let him know I'd be late, then I called a few friends to vent.  Then I called my mom, and she put things in perspective for me.

What Do You Do With All That Stuff?

Debbie recently wrote a letter to Target asking them to reconsider their 90-day return policy. She had generously purchased diapers for her grandchild which that child has now outgrown, and she would like to exchange them for ones the child can use now. Her daughter also received an infant walker which she has no need for.

Buying ahead can seem prudent, but one of the cons is that the stuff you buy now may not be useable after a period of time and then not returnable to the store. While I applaud Debbie's genorousity and thoughtfulness, Target is known for upholding their return/exchange policies, and I don't think Debbie will get the resolution she is seeking.

Red Fish, Blue Fish

Billy, a twelve year old boy with Down Syndrome, went shopping for a pet fish,
but to his disappointment, he was told by the store employee that he was not allowed to pick the one he wanted.  He felt strongly enough about it to write a letter via Planetfeedback expressing his concerns.  He said the clerk yelled at him and questioned his ability to read the sign about not choosing fish.  In the letter, Billy said he was offended because he has Down Syndrome, but it's not clear if that's what he actually meant. 

Raising a child with a disability is challenging, but should a disability ever be used as a reason for the child to receive special treatment in public?  Do protective parents with good intentions unknowingly and unintentionally give that impression to their child?