Let Freedom Ring!

If kids came with instructions, at what age would they recommend a child be allowed to ride public transportation alone?  According to Lenore Skenazy, writer of Free Range Kids and columnist for the New York Sun, her nine year old fourth grader was ready to test the waters on a New York City subway.  After writing about her son's experience, saying he was "ecstatic with independence", some parents accused her of child abuse while others praised her for bucking the helicopter parent trend. 

I think the real issue here is whether parents are unnecessarily overprotective, or if they are justified in thinking today's complicated world prohibits children from enjoying the freedom and independence of previous generations.

Let's examine the possibilities.

I don't think it's fair to criticize parents for being overly cautious and protective if you take into consideration the amount of internet and cable news they're exposed to every day.  The media can cause even normal parental paranoia to escalate.  It's the reason parents assume cities and towns are less safe today, causing their children to be more vulnerable to crimes such as abduction and abuse.  However, the Newsweek article about Lenore and her son states that New York City is safer now than it has ever been, and abductions by strangers are extremely rare nationwide.  According to the Justice Department, there is a one-in-a-million chance of a child being taken by a stranger, and ninety percent of sexual abuse is committed by someone the child knows.

So that leaves me wondering exactly why so many parents feel compelled to obsess over their children's safety, and why they are stunned by the thought of a fourth grader riding the subway alone, or walking to school or the playground unsupervised.  Is it possible today's working parents, and mothers in particular, overcompensate for the lack of time they spend with their children by coddling, pampering and overprotecting them?  While that might be true in some cases, it certainly doesn't apply to everyone. I have been a stay at home mom and admittedly on the high end of paranoia when it comes to my children's safety.  So maybe the reason for helicopter parenting is still somewhat of a mystery.

Taking everything into consideration, is there a clear answer to how and when parents should allow their children more freedom?  I don't think so. This is definitely something to be addressed on a kid-by-kid and parent-by-parent basis.  Parents know their children better than anyone else, making them the ones best qualified to decide when a child should be given more freedom and independence.  The advice of Dr. Richard Gallagher, director of the Parenting Institute at the NYU Child Study Center, is for parents to consider the maturity level and psychological and emotional makeup of the child, as well as any developmental issues and ability to follow parental guidelines.  The child's comfort level and general judgment should also be weighed.

One thing I would like to add is that parents should feel comfortable with their decisions and should make them for the right reasons.  They shouldn't feel pressured into prematurely allowing new freedom and independence if they know the child is not ready.  Each child develops at his and her own pace, and it's up to the parents to determine when to start letting go and the appropriate ways to proceed. 

My advice would be to trust your instincts.  You'll know when the time is right to let your child start exploring the world independently.  Take a deep breath and don't look back.

~Contributed by Venice

Comments

[Dawn]

I think that says it all, Venice. There really is no right or wrong answer; it depends on the parent, the child, and the circumstances.

I think our sensationalism-seeking media blows a lot of criminal situations out of proportion in an effort to garner tabloid headlines. Unfortunately, this make crime, particuarly against children, seem much more rampant than it probably is. I'm not suggesting that it doesn't exist, but I think everything needs to be put in perspective.

I have a friend who won't even let her children play in their own backyard by themselves. She'd probably turn Ms. Skenazy in for child abuse!