The Meaning of Family Vacation

After being encouraged by her doctors to take a family vacation, Jeanine S. chose a Disney cruise so the kids would have a great time, and she could have some time alone with her husband while their children were in the kids club.  I can see how this information on Disney's website might be enticing, but it could also give parents a false impression of a child's cruise experience.  In Jeanine's case, nothing seemed to go as planned, causing her to send a letter to Walt Disney Cruise Line via Planetfeedback expressing her disappointment in the quality of daycare provided on the ship.

I was surprised by some of the comments to Jeanine's letter. 
I thought it was interesting how people formed different opinions about her intentions regarding her children, her husband and the vacation itself.

Some people thought it was very selfish of Jeanine to drag her kids along just to stick them in daycare while she enjoyed the company of her husband.  Others thought the daycare center was lacking in skill and experience, and failed to provide adequate care and attention to the children causing them to be neglected and to page their parents for frivolous reasons.

Some of the comments made me remember my own childhood family vacations.  Many of them were at a family resort in the mountains.  Family members spent most of the daytime hours together participating in activities or sightseeing, and the parents looked forward to the evening hours when the adults could do things together while the kids took part in their own activities.  Even as a young child, it seemed perfectly fair to me.  My parents deserved a break.  After all, it was their vacation, too.  And besides, I needed a break from them, so I enjoyed being with the other kids and away from my parents.  Those vacations must have been pretty wonderful for me to remember them so many years later.  I never once thought my parents were trying to get rid of me or neglecting me, because I was having too much fun.  In my mind, it was the perfect family vacation.

Jeanine's letter gave me the impression that her goal was to go on a vacation that would make everyone in the family happy. I did not feel she was trying to ditch the kids in daycare while she lived it up with her husband.  I felt she wanted to have fun with the kids, and then have time with her husband knowing the children were being properly taken care of in a safe place.  I don't think a family vacation means everyone in the family has to spend every moment together.  They could do that at home.  I think each family member should have a chance to do what they enjoy, both together and apart.  That's my idea of a memorable family vacation, and one that will leave everyone feeling relaxed and happy.  Aren't those the reasons for any vacation?

~Contributed by Venice

Comments

[Dawn]

I agree Venice. During the few family vacations we took when I was a child, any time we got away from our parents, if only for a little while, was like heaven to us. Even in recent times we've taken family vacations (though they're not as stress-producing as the past ones....ha ha), and there are periods of the day where I need a break.

I also read the letter the same way you did, and I can see where the letter writer would be disappointed, particularly if she was expecting her children to have fun as well.

[LadyMac]

Except the premise of this particular vacation was that it might be Jeanine's last with her family.

If I thought I was dying, there's no way I would have shuffled my kid elsewhere ~ after all, if she's right, there's going to be a number of Mom-free vacations in their future. The absolute last thing I would want, as a parent, is for my kid to think that his mom's dying and she'd rather go to a spa then hang out with him.

[calm]

I don't see anything wrong with what she was hoping the vacation would be like.

I just think that her expectations were unrealistic and that for all sorts of completely understandable reasons she wasn't in a position to laugh and deal with it when the reality fell so far short of what she had imagined.

I think they'd have been much better off going to a more relaxed vacation destination on land with a couple of trusted familiar babysitters (who could have been actual babysitters or "aunts" and "uncles" or even another family whose parents were willing to take on all the childcare in recognition of Jeanine's need to spend some time alone with her husband and some time with just her family).

Then the parents could have gone off together for some one-on-one time and left the kids with people who knew them and cared about them and knew how to handle them, the kids could have kept a routine that was similar to their routine at home so that they weren't so stressed, and nobody would have had to hang out with anyone likely to leave poop on a slide. (Or -- depending on what the kids are like -- at least no stranger who was likely to leave poop on a slide.)

It sounds less romantic and fabulous, but when something didn't go right, like a kid not arranging her clothes exactly right when she went to the bathroom, there would be more slack in the system so it wouldn't throw everything else out of whack. And the family could have relaxed and enjoyed one another more than they probably did on that cruise.

[BarbaraT.]

The problem with your analogy, Venice, is that you enjoyed those kids' activities at the family resort, while Jeanine's children seemed to not be enjoying their time at the kids' clubs on board the cruise ship.

You were having "too much fun" to think about your parents, these kids wanted their mother.

The pagers are given to the older children so that they can page their parents themselves. The kids decide how long they want to stay in the clubs. That's how the clubs are structured. Counselors are not required or expected to force the children to stay or insist that they stay.

The only childcare for which mom and dad set the hours is the infant and toddler care, which you must pay for separately.

When we took our Disney cruise, my daughter loved the clubs, my son did not. We adapted. That's just what you have to do as a parent.

[Venice]

Barbara,

That's the part of Jeanine's complaint I don't think you understand.

On my childhood vacations, it was the counselors who made the kids comfortable with being away from their parents, and they did an excellent job, which is why I had so much fun. I think that's what she expected from the Disney counselors who are supposed to be so highly trained according to their website. When her son was giving her a hard time, she was disappointed that a counselor didn't even step in to encourage him to stay. I understand that.

When I was a child, I didn't have separation anxiety, but I was close to it. I never liked being away from my mother, but all these years later, I still remember how well the counselors at the resort handled situations like mine. And I doubt those counselors were trained much at all. I would expect a lot more from Disney counselors.

In any event, my biggest concern with the comments was how so many people accused her of complaining about not being able to dump her kids in daycare so she could live it up with her husband or have some time alone. That was not the impression I got at all from the letter, and I thought she had a valid complaint.

[Barbara T.]

I do understand that part - I just think that there are limits to what a cruise ship counselor can do to make an unhappy child happy. No matter how many exciting activities are available, or how sensitive and well-trained the counselors are, some kids are just not going to enjoy themselves, period.

My oldest is a very adaptable, happy-go-lucky child. My youngest is hell on wheels and when she's in a bad mood nothing and nobody is going to get her out of it.

I also spent five years teaching pre-kindergarten. I was very well trained and adored "my" kids, but there were always one or two a year that just weren't enjoying themselves. It isn't always the counselor's fault that the child is unhappy.

That's just how kids are. And again - the kids clubs are not meant to be daycare. They are structured activities for the kids to enjoy on a come and go basis. The parents don't say "They have to stay here until X time." The children get a pager, and the children can page their parents whenever they want, and ask to leave whenever they want.

[Venice]

My daughter (oldest) was always the happy-go-lucky type, and my son (younger) makes hell on wheels look like heaven on earth. He wouldn't have lasted one day in any daycare center in the country. I was never able to leave him anywhere because no one could handle him. He even got kicked out of preschool. But I didn't get that impression about Jeanine's kids. That doesn't mean I'm right, It's just my opinion from reading her letter.

I volunteered in my daughter's preschool and kindergarten classes, and even though it was a long time ago and kids were a lot less challenging then, I was always able to persuade the difficult kids to stay and participate and get their minds off their mothers. I guess I just can't imagine a counselor on a Disney cruise not being able to engage the average child especially when there's so much available to work with.

I think on this particular cruise, the staff was not up to par. Maybe they were shorthanded or just having a run of bad luck. Jeanine described it as a free for all, and I don't think that lives up to Disney standards or the description on their website. I don't think a refund is in order, but I also don't believe Jeanine was trying to abandon her kids or was being unreasonable in her expectations. Her letter and the comments will hopefully give other parents a better understanding of what to expect on a Disney cruise instead of relying solely on the website, if that's in fact what she did.

[Jeanine]

Gees, I am not dying just yet. I will find out in a couple of weeks how I am doing. Need to have a CT to determine if I need lung surgery.

I am a mother first. I did think about my children planning this vacation and that is why I went on a kid cruise. I would never vacation without them.

I am also a wife in a happy healthy marriage. Asking for 4 hour alone in 11 days is not unreasonable. Any alone time we get we are instanly in-love while not in mommy and daddy mode. 10 years and I still like him. Parents who are spouses need that time and it makes you better parents. We love our kids and love spending time with them. heck people think we are nuts for driving 20 hours with 3 small kids but we have done it 3 times already. We actually love it. We actully prefer the time in the car. We really have a great time.

Anyway, I posted stuff on Planetfeed back.com explaining most of my issues. The short of it all was we took an 11 day vacation together. 2 days in Coco Beach 4 days on the cruise and 3 days at the nick hotle and 3 days in hotels coming and going cause we drove from NJ. This was a fun filled vacation for us and we did alot. We did take my in-law and two other families with us on the cruise. We did a bunch of family time. The kids were only in the kids club 2 nights and 1 1/2 hours during the day we went to Nassau. I was looking forward to having the kids in the club those two nights to have alone time with my husband. I wanted at least 2 hours alone with him at night. My point was my daughter didn't want me to pick her up she had asked them what time I was coming to get her. In fact she didn't want to leave when I got there cause she then was involved in coloring and the boys were on the mats watching a Movie. They only got there around 9. After dinner I took them to the show and after the show they went to hang out at the club. She was bored temporality. I was disappointed that my son didn't want to go back after the second time. It doesn't take much to entertain him. The kid is a party in a box. I just wish someone was assigned to my kids. I wish they came in an met Joe Smo and if they needed something look for them (as I said on PFB) Anyway I want to thank Venice from being so supportive of me. I really appreciate it. I definetly wouldn't take any kids younger then 5-7 if you want to utalize the kids club. My 3 years old would of been happier in the older club. There was games and other stuff to entertain him better.

I am a massage therapist, I pamper people 6 days a week. Is it so wrong for me wanting to get pamper myself?

[FunFrugalMom]

I linked over and read the letter. I have mixed feelings.

If it were me, and I thought this might be my last vacation with my kids, I would do Disney definitely, but not with the intention of having the kids in the daycare for any extended period of time. I would have planned this time with them, then planned some other separate time with hubby, leaving kids that young in the care of a trusted friend or relative.

I also had a problem with the ages of the kids and the expectation that everything would run smooth as silk even if left up to Disney.

IMHO, kids that young really shouldn't be left in any daycare past 7pm unless that daycare provides services that put them in PJ's and provides and an environment for sleep. Maybe Disney should consider doing that if they're going to accept kids under 7 past a certain hour in the daycares. As I remember it, Disney offers in cabin babysitting also. Maybe that was the better option for a night out with hubby.

Were the kids expected to be participating in "activities" at that hour? Are they up doing that kind of stuff at home at that hour? These were the questions that ran through my head.

The unsanitary situation definitely needed to be addressed.

I don't think you can honestly expect counselors in a cruise ship daycare to handle individual wants and tantrums the same as "at home" care would. They don't know your kids and your kids don't know them so if a child wants to page a parent, for any reason, Disney should not get in the way of that past maybe one suggestion that they "Why not wait and show Mommy when she comes to pick you up in a little while?" If that works, great. But if not then the child should page.

This is all the impression I got from reading the letter. Now that I've also seen Jeanine's response in this blog it seems maybe the vacation wasn't ruined like the letter made it seem. It certainly doesn't seem a refund is in order after reading her post.

Jeanine, I'm glad to hear you don't seem to be in as bad a shape as your letter may have implied. I wish you and your family well.

[Venice]

FunFrugalMom,

Thank you for your thoughtful comment. If you read Jeanine's responses on Planetfeedback, I think you'll have an even better understanding of what happened and why she wrote the letter. Sometimes when a letter is written hastily or in the heat of the moment, the intention is not always clear.

I just wanted to add that according to Disney's website, babysitting is not available in the cabins. I think many parents would be more than happy to pay for a private babysitter late in the evening, so I'm surprised the service is not offered.

Thanks again for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.