When Teens Run Away

I remember throwing my son out on the
back porch one day when he was around
four years old, after he had pushed me to the limit.  I closed the door behind him and watched from the window.  He started walking towards the steps leading to the backyard but kept turning around to check the door just in case I had changed my mind.  My angry heart was breaking as I watched how helpless, lost and shocked he looked.  I finally opened the door and dragged him back inside.  I didn't want him to know I had weakened, but I couldn't let him think he had won either.

Now he's a teenager, and I admit to being guilty of telling him to pack his bags in the heat of the moment.  My biggest fear is that one day he'll actually do it.  Parents think it can't happen, but it can and does.  Parents of teens who run away are not bad parents, and teens are not bad kids.  The reasons are usually complex.  Even if you think it's unlikely your teen will run away, it's a good idea to be prepared so you can take charge of the situation if and when it happens instead of risking your emotions taking over and feeling helpless. 

Even though I've escaped a runaway situation so far, it doesn't mean I haven't looked for information and advise just in case.  Here are some suggestions I thought might be helpful.

Sometimes teens run away as a means of escape.  They get caught up in the pressure and problems of their lives and don't know how to cope.  Parents should try to recognize the signs and help their teens understand that there are solutions.  It's tough making a teen realize that running away is not the answer, but if parents can get them to face problems head on and help them find answers, they may feel less need to escape.

Most teens have heard of someone else's experience of running away, and that ordeal was more than likely glamorized, making it even more tempting for a confused teenager to make the wrong decision.  If possible, expose them to someone who is willing to convey what really happens to a runaway and to admit it's a mistake to take such drastic action.  Your teen may or may not listen, but it's worth trying.  Hearing the downside from a peer might make it more real than hearing it from you.

Always let your teen know that there is nothing they can do that would make you want them to leave.  Doing so may encourage them to open up and talk about their feelings.  Some teenaers might actually feel the family would be better off without them.  Reassure your teen that they are a crucial part of the family, and nothing would be the same without them.  It may just be the one thing they need to hear the most and make them reconsider what they're about to do.

If all fails, and your teenager does run away, the following information could be essential in locating him or her as quickly as possible:

Call the Police, IMMEDIATELY!! Don't wait 24 hours, do it right away. Ask investigators to enter your child into the National Crime Information Center (NCIC) Missing Persons File. There is no waiting period for entry into NCIC for children under age 18. Get the name and badge number of the officer you speak with. Call back often.

Call everyone your child knows and enlist their help. Search everywhere, but do not leave your phone unattended.

Search your teen's room for anything that may give you a clue as to where they went. You may also want to check your telephone bill for any calls they may have made recently.

Call the National Runaway Switchboard 1-800-621-4000.  You can leave a message for your child with them.

When your teen comes home, don't attempt to immediately sort things out.  Take time to cool off and rest up so everyone has a clear head. When you're calm, try to find out exactly what made them leave.  Don't hesitate to let them know how worried you were.  Make it clear that you are always available to talk if they ever feel the need to run away again, and that you will help them find solutions and alternatives so they can make better decisions. 

Let them know you're on their side.

I'll always remember the look on my four year old son's face the day I threw him out.  It was a lesson learned prematurely.  If I threw him out today or if he left on his own, I'm sure he would have the same feelings of confusion and helplessness that he had all those years ago.  I would do anything to avoid putting him through that again, even if it meant letting him know I had weakened.

~Contributed by Venice