Mommage

Supporting Roles: Talking to Children and Considering Their Feelings

Guest contributor, Frank, once again shares his words of wisdom in another thoughtful and insightful post.  Mommage is always pleased to have Frank onboard.

We've all seen the idyllic images of life portrayed in Norman Rockwell's artwork, and shows like "The Wonder Years" and perhaps we've held those up as examples of what life and families are all about, but those are just "snapshots" of the best moments, and even then, real families just weren't like that, and they certainly aren't like that now.  Nothing in life comes full circle in a half hour sprinkled with commercials, or on some magazine cover's artwork.  Even today, when we put a photo album together, we put aside certain photos in favor of others, but even the one's we put aside, rarely get thrown away.  Parts of them still have sentimental meaning, and even less perfect photos play some supporting role in our minds, hearts and our family history.

Parent Job Description

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!

POSITION : Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION : Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES : The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION : None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION : Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS : While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

** AND A FOOTNOTE... THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! ** If you are fortunate enough, you will become grandparents!

--Conributed by Renee

"Stepmommage" - A Rite of Passage

Mommage is pleased to once again welcome Jennifer as a guest contributor. Jen is the devoted step-mom of a wonderful teenage girl, and is well versed in both the joy and challenges that this parenting role entails.

My stepdaughter is 13 ("Jen, I'm ALMOST 14!"). She is well on her way to being a young lady, much to her father's dismay. Her being a young lady is what brought us to our current 'rite of passage'.

It started simply enough. We had completed our guest room and I wanted to move the twin captain's bed out of our old guest room and in to her room. This required some cleaning and rearranging of furniture. What we ended up with was a complete transformation from a little girl's room to a young lady's room.

MRSA--Methicillin-Resistant Staph Aureus

As some of you may know, my son was hospitalized in early September for four days.  He had Methicillin-Resistant Staph Aureus also known as MRSA.  This particular strain of staph infection used to only be found in hospitals and nursing homes, now it is being found in the community at an alarming rate.  Here in Virginia a 17 year old male athlete died from MRSA on October 15, and since then many, many cases have been reported all over the state. 

This hits particularly close to home for me because of the fact that my son was hospitalized with this.  Luckily my son is okay, but had to be hospitalized to receive intravenous antibiotics.  My son had a bump just under his nose, it looked sort of like a pimple.  I was not that alarmed until I came home from work the next night to find his lip red and swollen.  We took him to Urgent Care where they placed him on Rocephin by IV and told us to bring him back the next day for another dose.  The next day when I took him, the same doctor that he saw the first day, said that he needed to be admitted because the antibiotic given to him the day before was not working and in fact the infection was spreading.

StepMommage

This is the first blog in a serites wrtten by guest contributor Jennifer about the highs and lows of being a stepparent.  Too often we, as the "natural" parents forget that stepmoms and stepdads are integral in the child rearing process.  We welcome Jennifer's unique insights into the world of parenting and thank her for her contribution.

When I first said I would be happy to do a guest blog on Mommage about step parenting, I had visions of delving into the different types of blended families, how being a step mother is different from being a biological mother and going off on several other tangents about the subject.  When I finally gave it more thought, I realized that besides turning this blog into “War and Peace”, that I should just write about my experiences as a stepmother as that is what I know best.

Family Ties

PlanetFeedback commenter Gino posts a subject near and dear to my heart.  Grandparents and their role in the raising of their grandchildren.

As many of you know, my mother helps me raise my son.  My now ex-husband left when my son was two years old and, through his own choice, utterly failed to continue to participate in the child-rearing process.  In fact, my son hasn't seen his father in nine years.  So my mom stepped in and was willing to help me out.  She moved in with us to be a source of stability for him.  This allowed me to go back to school to finish my education, so I could do better for my son.  It also gave him the unconditional love that he needed to grow and thrive.  I am forever in her debt for what she did for my son.

Gino notes that one proposed solution to the foster care crisis is to subsidize grandparents for caring for their grandchildren.  It keeps the family more or less intact (hey, at least the kids are not in foster care).  Opponents site age and failing health as a reason to not push grandparents-as-foster-parents initative.  Of course, I challenge them to say this to my mother, who I can assure you is capable of a physical or verbal lashing at any given time.  Trust me on that one..... 

I, personally, didn't know my grandparents all that well ~ we lived on different edges of the country so visits were infrequent at best.  When I see the relationship my son, nephew and niece all have with their "Grammy", it makes me realize what I missed out on.  I am thrilled my son won't have to know his "Grammy" only from pictures. 

As for his lack of relationship with his father... well, that's a subject for another blog.

--Contributed by Deb

Just One More Day

Just for this morning
I am going to smile when I see your face, and laugh when I
feel like crying.

Just for this morning
I will let you wake up softly in your flannel p.j.'s and
hold  you until you are ready to stir.

Just for this morning,
I will let you choose what you want to wear, and I will say
how beautiful you are.

Just for this morning
I will step over the laundry to pick  you up, and take you
to the park to play.

Just for this morning
I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me
how to put your puzzle together.

Just for this afternoon
I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and
sit with you in the garden
blowing bubbles.

Just for this afternoon
I will not  yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you
scream and whine for the ice cream truck
and I will buy you one, if he comes by.

Just for this afternoon
I wont worry about what you are going to be when you grow up,
I  will simply love you, for the joy you bring me.

Just for this afternoon,
I will let you help me make cookies,
and I wont stand over you. . .  trying to 'fix things.

Just for this afternoon,
I will take you to McDonalds and buy us both a 'Happy Meal'
So you can have two toys.

Just for this evening,
I will hold you in my arms and tell you the story of how you
were born, and how much we love you.

Just for this evening,
I will let you splash in the bathtub,
and I wont get angry when you pour water over your sisters head.

Just for this evening
I will let you stay up late, while we sit on the porch swing
and count all the stars.

Just for this evening
I will bring you glasses of water,
and snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favorite t.v. show.

Just for this evening
when I kneel down to pray, I will simply be grateful for all that I have,
and not ask for anything,
Except
Just one more day.

-For Dhylan

by Sally Meyer

Copyright

Friends?

I am friends with my husband's ex-girlfriend, the mother of his child.

I think that is the first time I actually put it into those words.  In recent months the words have been more like we're civil, we get along, we haven't fought in over a year... as a matter of fact, for the longest I refused to even say her name to my friends because I feared that it would... "humanize" the relationship.  If that even makes sense to anyone but me.

We have been very nice to one another for many months now.  She has kept my kids overnight and I have kept her daughter overnight.  She is working third shift now so her daughter has actually been sleeping here for many months.  I think that the actual turning point in our relationship was when I read what she wrote on the back of my stepson's Mother's Day card to me.

Nichole,
  I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you.  No one ever plans for their child to have a stepmom but I am glad he has you.  I know it sounds corny but I am really proud of the mother you have become.  Happy Mothers Day!