This past Sunday, my seven-month-old son had his first sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa's house. They were insistent that it was time, and we agreed we could use the break. All week I looked forward to having the night to myself. I thought of the myriad of options I had to spend the night: reading, sleeping in, playing on Planetfeedback. Instead, my husband and I opted to see a movie and get some takeout. It was an okay night, except for one thing:
A friend of mine has a problem with her in-laws. Specifically, with her in-laws and their dealings with her children. Having been blessed with understanding and respectful in-laws, and not having been blessed with children, I am totally at a loss as to what to say to her, what course of action to advise. I've been thinking about this for a while, and I'm still at a loss. I'll just tell the story, and hopefully the answer will come to me (or maybe a member of the Mommage community will help me out...hint, hint).
This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!
POSITION : Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
JOB DESCRIPTION : Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES : The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION : None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION : Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS : While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
** AND A FOOTNOTE... THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! ** If you are fortunate enough, you will become grandparents!
--Conributed by Renee
My mother-in-law feels left out of the baby planning process. Although she hasn't come out and said so, I could tell by her tone of voice the other day when she wanted me to look through sale flyers from Walmart advertising baby items, and I told her, "I put all that stuff on my registry." I didn't mean to dismiss her like that, and in hindsight I should've just looked at the flyers if only to appease her.
I know she feels left out in part because my sister is planning my baby shower and has not sought my MIL's help. There's a reason for this; my MIL is very opinionated and is not shy about sharing those opinions whether you care to hear them or not. She also can be very pushy about her opinions, to a point where it is easy to mistake them as nagging or criticism. During my bridal shower, she drove my sister crazy. This time around, my sister is pregnant again and very hormonal. For the peace of all concerned, it is probably best my MIL not interfere.
PlanetFeedback commenter Gino posts a subject near and dear to my heart. Grandparents and their role in the raising of their grandchildren.
As many of you know, my mother helps me raise my son. My now ex-husband left when my son was two years old and, through his own choice, utterly failed to continue to participate in the child-rearing process. In fact, my son hasn't seen his father in nine years. So my mom stepped in and was willing to help me out. She moved in with us to be a source of stability for him. This allowed me to go back to school to finish my education, so I could do better for my son. It also gave him the unconditional love that he needed to grow and thrive. I am forever in her debt for what she did for my son.
Gino notes that one proposed solution to the foster care crisis is to subsidize grandparents for caring for their grandchildren. It keeps the family more or less intact (hey, at least the kids are not in foster care). Opponents site age and failing health as a reason to not push grandparents-as-foster-parents initative. Of course, I challenge them to say this to my mother, who I can assure you is capable of a physical or verbal lashing at any given time. Trust me on that one.....
I, personally, didn't know my grandparents all that well ~ we lived on different edges of the country so visits were infrequent at best. When I see the relationship my son, nephew and niece all have with their "Grammy", it makes me realize what I missed out on. I am thrilled my son won't have to know his "Grammy" only from pictures.
As for his lack of relationship with his father... well, that's a subject for another blog.
--Contributed by Deb
