Mommage

Mommy v. Daddy

As an attorney, I didn't practice domestic relations law.  Even now that I'm working as a legal assistant, I breathe a huge sigh of relief that my attorney doesn't practice it either.  There's so much emotion involved in these type of cases when it comes to divorce.  I would have to take out a membership to Costco or Sams just to keep me in Tums and tissues.  Plus this type of law really seems to bring out the worst in people

Case in point.  Yesterday, one of the attorneys at my firm was deposing the husband in a divorce case.  It was a little hostile.  At the end, the husband used our bathroom before he departed.  Instead of lifting the seat, he lowered the lid and purposefully urinated all over the toilet and floor.  Just like a pet would announce his displeasure.

Yes, people are not at their best in divorce situations.

On Going To Visit His Uncle Sam

It's official.  Kiddo has been accepted into Massanutten Military Academy for this Summer session.  He doesn't even know "he" applied, despite the fact that he signed the application.  Apparently he hasn't learned a darn thing from me, because otherwise he would have NEVER signed a piece of paper without reading it.

Last week culminated in a knock-down, drag-out brawl over homework.  I said, do it... he said, make me.  And I did - amazingly without having to resort to physical discipline.  Barely.  But it's isn't going to be long before he's bigger than me and phyiscal duress simply won't be an option.

One of the things he said about his homework just chilled me to the bone.  I guess it's time I tell you about my son's father ~ my ex-husband. 

"Stepmommage" - A Rite of Passage

Mommage is pleased to once again welcome Jennifer as a guest contributor. Jen is the devoted step-mom of a wonderful teenage girl, and is well versed in both the joy and challenges that this parenting role entails.

My stepdaughter is 13 ("Jen, I'm ALMOST 14!"). She is well on her way to being a young lady, much to her father's dismay. Her being a young lady is what brought us to our current 'rite of passage'.

It started simply enough. We had completed our guest room and I wanted to move the twin captain's bed out of our old guest room and in to her room. This required some cleaning and rearranging of furniture. What we ended up with was a complete transformation from a little girl's room to a young lady's room.

Ability, Yes. Motivation, No.

Teenagers. The word strikes fear into the hearts of grown men and women.

I have two. Yes, go ahead and pity me - I deserve it.

My oldest son is nineteen and is on a three-year academic scholarship at a community college in Florida. My youngest son is seventeen and is a Junior in high school. I'll be lucky to see him graduate.

If thats not frustrating enough, here's the thing: Of the two of my kids, my youngest one is technically more naturally gifted than my older one. Sounds awful, but my oldest son has had to struggle for every A and B he's gotten. He has to study twice as hard to get good grades and he does it. I completely admire and respect him for this. I am more proud than I can even communicate.

My youngest one is a different story. He can sit down on standardized tests, bored out of his mind, barely pay attention and ACE the tests. He routinely scores in the top 5-10 percent of the state on these tests, but gets C's, D's and even F's on his report card because he JUST DOESN'T CARE. He's got his high-school counselors telling him (and even me) that if he'd only get his head out of his behind and put forth a little effort, he would have colleges pounding down his door, based upon his natural abilities.

Being a Mother

Giving birth doesn't necessarily mean you're a mother.  There's so much more involved.  Some of the best mothers have never seen the inside of a delivery room and have no idea what labor feels like.  It's not hard to recognize a good mother when you see one.  You can tell by the way she handles a child, speaks to a child, relates to a child and protects a child.  Being a mother is a state of mind.

 

Britney Spears is the mother of two children.  She has gone through all the motions to create and bring two new people into this world, only to have them taken away.  Her circumstances might be extraordinary and sometimes even beyond her control, but a real mother would find a way to rise above the adversity in order to give her children what they deserve.  In the last few days, I've heard more opinions about Britney's life and downfall than I care to know.  There are women on welfare, single women, underprivileged women, and even abused women who manage to be good mothers to their children, and I think the reason is simple.

StepMommage

This is the first blog in a serites wrtten by guest contributor Jennifer about the highs and lows of being a stepparent.  Too often we, as the "natural" parents forget that stepmoms and stepdads are integral in the child rearing process.  We welcome Jennifer's unique insights into the world of parenting and thank her for her contribution.

When I first said I would be happy to do a guest blog on Mommage about step parenting, I had visions of delving into the different types of blended families, how being a step mother is different from being a biological mother and going off on several other tangents about the subject.  When I finally gave it more thought, I realized that besides turning this blog into “War and Peace”, that I should just write about my experiences as a stepmother as that is what I know best.

Friends?

I am friends with my husband's ex-girlfriend, the mother of his child.

I think that is the first time I actually put it into those words.  In recent months the words have been more like we're civil, we get along, we haven't fought in over a year... as a matter of fact, for the longest I refused to even say her name to my friends because I feared that it would... "humanize" the relationship.  If that even makes sense to anyone but me.

We have been very nice to one another for many months now.  She has kept my kids overnight and I have kept her daughter overnight.  She is working third shift now so her daughter has actually been sleeping here for many months.  I think that the actual turning point in our relationship was when I read what she wrote on the back of my stepson's Mother's Day card to me.

Nichole,
  I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you.  No one ever plans for their child to have a stepmom but I am glad he has you.  I know it sounds corny but I am really proud of the mother you have become.  Happy Mothers Day!