Mommage

Mommy v. Daddy

As an attorney, I didn't practice domestic relations law.  Even now that I'm working as a legal assistant, I breathe a huge sigh of relief that my attorney doesn't practice it either.  There's so much emotion involved in these type of cases when it comes to divorce.  I would have to take out a membership to Costco or Sams just to keep me in Tums and tissues.  Plus this type of law really seems to bring out the worst in people

Case in point.  Yesterday, one of the attorneys at my firm was deposing the husband in a divorce case.  It was a little hostile.  At the end, the husband used our bathroom before he departed.  Instead of lifting the seat, he lowered the lid and purposefully urinated all over the toilet and floor.  Just like a pet would announce his displeasure.

Yes, people are not at their best in divorce situations.

Baby Einstein And Brainy Baby, Do They Help Or Hinder?

So you think you are doing a good thing.  You purchase Baby Einstein or Brainy Baby or similar DVD's to play for your children in the hope it will give them a jump start with their vocabulary and other skills.  Now the experts tell us that instead of helping them these DVDs may in fact be hindering their development.  I came across this article earlier this week when I was at Child Find with my son.  We were there to meet with a speech therapist, to try and determine the reason for my sons speech delay (luckily it just appears to be a small speech delay and his motor and cognitive skills are fine). 

I read this article in total disbelief.  I have done this, happily plunking down the rather high price for these videos hoping to help my son.  Now I read that this may actually have slowed him down somewhat.  I am still struggling with how to feel.  How much weight to give this study.  Wondering how when you truly have the best intentions, you can be doing it all wrong.  I wonder if this is like other studies, you know the ones I am talking about.  This year it is bad, next year it will be the best thing you can do for your child.  Ugh!  What is a parent to do?

--Contributed by Renee

Are Our Children Getting Enough Sleep?

Our children (and MOMS) are severely overstimulated and over scheduled.  Seems like we are always running somewhere.  Some children start early in the morning, then go to school all day, come home have dinner, go to practice,take a bath and FINALLY go to bed.  In our quest to have well rounded children are we actually hindering them?

We want to do the best for our children.  We want them to be able to play any sport they want to, or participate in fun activities, but at what cost?  Did you know that your child getting even one hour less of sleep at night can affect their cognitive development?  Yes one hour!  There are many reasons that children are not getting enough sleep.  Among them, over scheduling, lax enforcement of bedtime, parents that have not seen their children all day and want to spend time with their children sometimes sacrifice bedtime to have family time. 

What's A Parent To Do?

PlanetFeedback user and Mommage Mom, Venice, recently posted an important question in her PlanetFeedback blog:

"If your child inherited money from a grandparent to be used towards his or her college education, and the Executor of the Last Will and Testament of the deceased (also a relative) gave the money to her brother to help him purchase a house because he left his wife and kids and needed a place to live, would you be forgiving or take the necessary steps to recover the money for your child? The grandparent died over two years ago, and the Executor continues to promise that the money is forthcoming, despite the
admission that she gave it to someone else.

What would you do, and how would you go about doing it?"

The moral answer to this important family question aside, this Executor is in a very bad position, legally.  The law is very clear that an executor (or in some states, if it's a female, "executrix", or the more gender-neutral "personal representative") has a fiduciary duty to the beneficiaries under the will, termed the duty of loyalty.  There are serious and significant  monetary penalties for an executor violating his or her fiduciary duty.  It doesn't matter if the executor intends to replace the funds.  The moment they were used for something other than what is set forth in the will, the duty was violated.  The Executor can be sued for the funds and may be held personally responsible for replacing them.  Very likely as well, the Executor will be replaced. 

In most cases, the Executor is required to file a yearly accounting with the government agency responsible for overseeing disbursement of estates and trusts.  If the Executor has not disclosed the disbursement of funds to an improper beneficiary, then he or she may also have violated state laws pertaining to estate reporting requirements.  You guessed it ~ there may be more monetary penalties  for which he or she will be personally responsible .

If you are making out your will, you need to take extra care when choosing your executor/-trix/personal representative.  Make sure you choose someone who is going to disburse your assets to the people YOU have chosen and not do something else with it.

The moral question, however, is very much trickier.

What are your thoughts about it?

--Contributed by Deb

Dropping The Ball As A Parent

Nope.  Not me.  I didn't drop the ball...  hubby did and I am furious.

Today was to be probably the most important meeting I would attend in my entire life.  Seriously, I feel that way.  Hubby knew I felt that way.  All my friends and family knew I felt that way.  I was scheduled to meet with our school district to determine my son's need for assistance with his speech and motor skills and develop his IEP.  This meeting basically began my son's educational career.  I have never in my life wanted something so badly.  Before I went to bed last night, my anxiety was through the roof and I had to take medication to calm me down.  That is how nervous I was.

As we were getting the kids ready for bed, the little one hurt his toe.  He was screaming and crying.  We decided that it wasn't broken and could wait to go to the doctor.  Around midnight he woke up crying and did not stop.  After a few hours of ME being up with him, exhausted I asked my husband to take him to the ER.  Hubby refused to take him!  Told me he didn't need to go.  Well of course, hubby slept through the hours of crying and didn't realize the extent of the injury.   

Being "Mom-blocked"?

When I first read this article, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

As a woman, I have heard the jibes and remarks about the delicate and fragile male ego ~ about how they need to be coddled and handled gently less they shatter.  Heck, I've made those comments myself from time to time.  But according to this article, when it comes to classic parenting issues and the mom/dad relationship, women are not immune from this either.  Break out the kids gloves for them too!

The heart of this article is that women are feeling left behind and left out when their husbands step up as the primary caregiver to their small children.  Awwww....poor things .

Sometimes I guess you just can't win.  How many women have I personally heard complain that they would LOVE to have their husbands be more involved parents?  How many women do I know who have said they would LOVE for their husbands to stay at home with their kids?  How many women are single parents (like me) who would LOVE to have a partner in their life to share the child-rearing load?

Yet when they get what they profess to want, they complain of being marginalized and apparently in some cases require therapy.  Therapy?  Dad stays home and actually washes dishes, goes grocery shopping, attends play dates, suffers through endless viewings of "The Wiggles" and these women have so little self-esteem that they MUST be their child's no.1 caregiver in addition to the primary bread-winner or they don't feel good about themselves?  Talk about wanting to have your cake and eat it too.

Is it any wonder why men say they can't catch a break?  I am starting to understand why they feel that way now. 

Sheesh.

--Contributed by Deb