Mommage

Let Freedom Ring!

If kids came with instructions, at what age would they recommend a child be allowed to ride public transportation alone?  According to Lenore Skenazy, writer of Free Range Kids and columnist for the New York Sun, her nine year old fourth grader was ready to test the waters on a New York City subway.  After writing about her son's experience, saying he was "ecstatic with independence", some parents accused her of child abuse while others praised her for bucking the helicopter parent trend. 

I think the real issue here is whether parents are unnecessarily overprotective, or if they are justified in thinking today's complicated world prohibits children from enjoying the freedom and independence of previous generations.

Let's examine the possibilities.

And The Great Debate Continues....

The other morning, while I had a rare hour to myself, I listened to a local radio show. They were having a listener call-in debate regarding stay-at-home moms versus working ones. Listening to each side argue their point made me all the more angry, first because I don't even think this should be a debate to begin with, and second because each side was so convinced their way was the best that they thought it was the only way.

Which side is correct?

Zip Up Your Jacket, Mom

Men can see your BRA.  Yep.  That's what the kiddo hissed at me while we were at breakfast one morning in Philadelphia.  I was amused (mostly because it wasn't my bra ~ I had on a shirt with 2 layers and the lower layer was peaking out).

I guess it happens when you're a single mom.  My friend Tracy says the same thing too....at some point your son becomes your father.  Good thing I haven't started dating again.  I can't imagine what it would be like to hear my son admonish my date to make sure he has me back by 11. 

It's amazing how fast they grow up.

On Going To Visit His Uncle Sam

It's official.  Kiddo has been accepted into Massanutten Military Academy for this Summer session.  He doesn't even know "he" applied, despite the fact that he signed the application.  Apparently he hasn't learned a darn thing from me, because otherwise he would have NEVER signed a piece of paper without reading it.

Last week culminated in a knock-down, drag-out brawl over homework.  I said, do it... he said, make me.  And I did - amazingly without having to resort to physical discipline.  Barely.  But it's isn't going to be long before he's bigger than me and phyiscal duress simply won't be an option.

One of the things he said about his homework just chilled me to the bone.  I guess it's time I tell you about my son's father ~ my ex-husband. 

Mama Bear Bites Back

"Bite me".

That's what the kiddo said to a female classmate last week who was picking on him.  I know it wasn't worse than that because I heard the exchange from the math teacher herself.  Understandably the teacher did not like that phrase and sent him to lunch detention on Thursday and Friday.

Fine.  No problem.  I understand that completely.  We all have to be responsible for the things we say ~ either verbally or in print.  But then the math teacher, after disciplining him herself, sent a referral down to the office and the kiddo spent yesterday in in-school suspension. 

So in effect he was punished twice for the same crime.  Oh boy.

Parent Job Description

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!

POSITION : Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION : Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES : The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION : None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION : Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS : While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

** AND A FOOTNOTE... THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! ** If you are fortunate enough, you will become grandparents!

--Conributed by Renee

Oooooops! Spears Did It Again!!

Nope not Britney, Jamie Lynn.  I am referring to the rather shocking news of Jamie Lynn's unplanned pregnancy at the tender age of 16, Agads!  This news is causing quite the stir on the Internet.  Many parents are now struggling with how to talk to their children about this issue.

Still other parent's are looking to Spears employer Nickelodeon to "fire" her and/or cancel her show, while still others want her show pulled from the schedule.  Currently Nickelodeon is pondering the fate of the show.  Filming ended months ago on Season 4 and now the rumor mill is saying that this show was over before the pregnancy was announced and that season 4 which starts airing in February, was the last season anyway and that no further filming was planned. 

As a mother I understand the outrage, and disappointment directed at this girl.  You have to wonder though about the parents guidance or lack there of in her life.  First look at her sister Britney, a candidate  for mother of the year, and now Jamie Lynn, I just have to ask where was the supervision and parental set limits here?  One can only hope that Jamie and her boyfriend do a better job with their baby than Britney has done with hers. 

Let us use this as a learning tool.  We need to be involved in our children's lives, ask questions, set limits, provide guidance, be a parent and not their friend! 

--Contributed by Renee 

Mom's Sick. Who Takes Care of Her?

We all know that most moms are excellent caregivers, especially when their kids are sick, but what happens when MOM gets the bug?

I had the misfortune of finding out. I caught a horrible cold and was sick all week. I'm just now beginning to feel better. It's just me and my teenaged son at home, and you'd have thought the world had stopped because I wasn't able to do all of the things that he's used to, like be the maid.

He had to cook for himself, do his own laundry and *gasp* find friends to haul him to all of his social activities that he engages in. I suppose I should consider myself lucky that he remained fairly polite toward me and even asked if I needed help with anything, but the underlying panic and aggrivation was present. 

It's just another factor of being a single mom that reminds me how very different my life is now. My ex-husband couldn't be counted on for much, but he would have at least stepped up if I couldn't do it, albeit grudgingly.

I sure miss the days where I was the kid and mom had to take care of me.

~Contributed by Tracy

Baby Einstein And Brainy Baby, Do They Help Or Hinder?

So you think you are doing a good thing.  You purchase Baby Einstein or Brainy Baby or similar DVD's to play for your children in the hope it will give them a jump start with their vocabulary and other skills.  Now the experts tell us that instead of helping them these DVDs may in fact be hindering their development.  I came across this article earlier this week when I was at Child Find with my son.  We were there to meet with a speech therapist, to try and determine the reason for my sons speech delay (luckily it just appears to be a small speech delay and his motor and cognitive skills are fine). 

I read this article in total disbelief.  I have done this, happily plunking down the rather high price for these videos hoping to help my son.  Now I read that this may actually have slowed him down somewhat.  I am still struggling with how to feel.  How much weight to give this study.  Wondering how when you truly have the best intentions, you can be doing it all wrong.  I wonder if this is like other studies, you know the ones I am talking about.  This year it is bad, next year it will be the best thing you can do for your child.  Ugh!  What is a parent to do?

--Contributed by Renee

Ability, Yes. Motivation, No.

Teenagers. The word strikes fear into the hearts of grown men and women.

I have two. Yes, go ahead and pity me - I deserve it.

My oldest son is nineteen and is on a three-year academic scholarship at a community college in Florida. My youngest son is seventeen and is a Junior in high school. I'll be lucky to see him graduate.

If thats not frustrating enough, here's the thing: Of the two of my kids, my youngest one is technically more naturally gifted than my older one. Sounds awful, but my oldest son has had to struggle for every A and B he's gotten. He has to study twice as hard to get good grades and he does it. I completely admire and respect him for this. I am more proud than I can even communicate.

My youngest one is a different story. He can sit down on standardized tests, bored out of his mind, barely pay attention and ACE the tests. He routinely scores in the top 5-10 percent of the state on these tests, but gets C's, D's and even F's on his report card because he JUST DOESN'T CARE. He's got his high-school counselors telling him (and even me) that if he'd only get his head out of his behind and put forth a little effort, he would have colleges pounding down his door, based upon his natural abilities.